"No Laughing Matter" Audition for the Theater

New to the FBI, this is his first case right out of the academy. He's a straight-laced linguist with a typically latent inner core of snarkiness, and a little bit more than just a bit neurotic about correcting any and every mistake he identifies. He's not too comfortable with the unknown (and especially women, who are definitely a big unknown to him), and has recently developed severe anatidaephobia.

Jim has been an agent since dinosaurs roamed the halls of the FBI. He likes to do things the easy way whenever possible, and gladly creates his own little bubble of reality to keep himself amused. He likes to make up new words, and believes that a life worth living is one that involves ordering unheard-of food from restaurants. For all that, however, he's a competent and dedicated agent.

(Minor part) Speaking with a strong cockney accent and devoid of patience, the unnamed Brit is a dynamic personality with mysterious motivations.

Alexei is a simple immigrant from Russia trying to start a new life in America. A comedian in his former life, he is kind-hearted and genuine throughout, eager to help wherever he can, and a deep thinker. He struggles with the peculiarities of English, which often get in his way of understanding what's happening. He always sees the good in people.

(Minor part) A bit character, SPY is the actual "villian" that Williams and Humphrey think Alexei is. And no, nothing bad ends up happening to him/her, although after the play is over and s/he is relaxing on a beach on the Russian Riviera, s/he gets bitten by a frog. Note: This part only has about half a dozen lines and is a great role for someone also interested in doing tech for the show.

Angel is a waitress at "The Egg Plant". Regardless of her biological age, she will be turning 193 next year. Cynical, unendingly exhausted, and apathetic, she is karmic retribution for anyone who ever stiffed a server at a restaurant. She is obsessed with Glenn Frey, and spends a lot of her time quoting Eagles songs. Under her snark is a fierce loyalty to her friends.

Richard is the owner of "The Egg Plant" and does whatever work isn't getting done at the diner... which is essentially everything. Despite having been beaten to a pulp by the inequities of life, he's a good fellow who cares deeply about his employees.

Maggie is a waitress at "The Egg Plant" who actually waitresses. She is a single mother with a life history that is not quite as bad as Richard's, but far more challenging than anyone should have to endure. Still, she never stops trying to improve herself and her situation, and to bring others up with her. She is thoughtful and kind, but also a little impish.

A regular at the Egg Plant, Alejandro fancies himself an intellectual, but his libido begs to differ. He refuses to eat anything that he considers dairy, which includes things made of milk, made near milk, having a texture or hue that resembles milk, or spelled with the letter M. His goal in life is to get from birth to death with as little effort and responsibility as absolutely possible, while drinking as much coffee as absolutely possible.

Tara is one of the FBI's top agents. Shrewd, intelligent, and disarmingly sexy, she has a solid, professional shell with the occasional window that gives glimpses of a humane, caring inner core. Frustrated by the curse of beauty, she is very appreciative of those rare males who can look past physical appearance to see her inner nerd.