Casting Call for "Dracula: A Comedy of Terrors" Stage Play

Commanding European dialect. Hugely sexy, magnetically handsome, rock star presence with a killer body, he is a narcissist whose greatest love is himself – and his leather pants. Bored with women falling all over him, he becomes obsessed with Lucy when he hears of her strength and adventurousness. The less she needs him, the more interested he is. He travels to Whitby to find her and make her his bride for eternity.

RP British dialect. Prim and proper and obsessive-compulsive real estate agent, frightened of his own shadow. Engaged to his childhood crush Lucy Westfeldt and enamored of her fearlessness. Once bitten he loosens up…a lot… and becomes a Tom Jones-style rock star in leather pants.

RP British dialect. Brilliant, plucky earth scientist daughter of Dr. Westfeldt, she is full of energy and the spirit of adventure and often underestimated because of her beauty. Engaged to Jonathan, but when Dracula moves to Whitby, she is curious about his strange ways and impressed by their similar interests.

RP British dialect. The less attractive, less intelligent Westfeldt daughter, she lives in her sister Lucy’s shadow and is desperate for attention. She is immediately (pathetically) receptive to Dracula’s charms.

RP British dialect. Lucy and Mina’s father, a blowhard; self-important misogynist given to proclamations and posturing with his pipe. A doctor caring for the criminally insane, he has recently lost his wife to consumption.

German dialect a la Mel Brooks. Brilliant and sturdy German vampire-hunting doctor from the University of Schmutz. Deadly serious in the way Germans can be, she is accustomed to people not believing she is a real doctor. Strong, shmart, unt bold, she is a woman of action.

Cockney dialect and salivary issues. Insane patient of Dr. Westfeldt who lives to serve and loves to eat bugs. In a word, the dude is nuts.

Cockney dialect. A dotty kleptomaniac patient of Dr. Westfeldt, she serves as a maid in his house. Think Mrs. Lovett but servile and easily distracted.

Scottish dialect. Lucy’s suitor; a Scottish dolt.

RP British dialect. Lucy’s suitor; posh, British and petulant.

Texas Accent. Lucy’s arrogant suitor from Memphis, a la Yosemite Sam.

Eastern European or Russian dialect. The male, Transylvanian driver of the carriage carrying Jonathan to Dracula’s castle who tries to warn him. Borat meets Boris and Natasha.

Sea Captain dialect. The salty captain of a doomed ship caught in a raging storm.

Irish dialect. A scurvy seaman who goes down with the ship in a storm.

Cockney dialect. A drunk gravedigger with a secret.